NASW FOCUS book review November 2009
Where the Heart Listens: A Handbook for Parents and their Allies in a Global Society by Eve Sullivan
Book Review by Christie Carlson, LICSW, appearing in the November 2009 issue of FOCUS, the newsletter of the NASW / National Association of Social Workers Massachusetts Chapter. Where the Heart Listens was published in 2006 (2nd edition), excerpts available on this site and 3rd edition to appear December 2009.
Where the Heart Listens: a handbook for parents and their allies in a global society, traces the creation and evolution of a grass-roots organization focused on parenting and family, emotional awareness, and community. Eve Sullivan, co-founder of Parents Forum in 1991, provides a valuable resource for parents, especially, and for communities. Sullivan originally planned to run Parents Forum workshops for five years, then to write a book about the experience. She started writing in 1996. The first edition of the book was published in print in 2001.
Where the Heart Listens is written for the heart and from the heart. It speaks to the core of being a parent, also of being in a relationship. The message is that parents need to be “raised” themselves in order to raise children effectively, to respond to children’s emotional concerns effectively. Personal vignettes add vitality and clarity to the book. These are vignettes from Sullivan’s life and from participants in volunteer-led workshops that form the basis for the handbook.
One vignette I especially liked is of Sullivan’s young son noticing his Mom about to lose her temper. He quickly says, “Mom, you need to call Bonny!” The son understood that when someone listened to his upset Mom that she was more able to listen to him. Not many surprises here for the seasoned social work community, but the handbook speaks primarily to non-professionals, parents perhaps facing emotions without map, compass, friend or relative to help navigate the way.
While titled a handbook, Where the Heart Listens offers no rules or recommendations for child behavior. Instead, with clear and down-to-earth language, it guides parents with suggestions, acknowledging the maze of feelings and conflicts arising from day-to-day living with children of all ages. The goal is honest, respectful, caring communication in families. The first three chapters outline Parents Forum philosophy and its origin from Sullivan and her family’s experience in a substance abuse recovery program for one of her sons. The therapeutic community of parents, so attentive to emotional honesty, inspired Sullivan. She translated tenets of the recovery program into something similar for parents wanting simply to enhance their own family life. She sought a positive approach that would be meaningful for a variety of populations.
Chapters Four, Five, and Six (Tools of the Trade, Questions Not Answers, Watch Your Words) detail the agenda and format of the workshops, which have been held in a variety of settings, including libraries, schools, and prisons. Eight questions shape the workshops as starting points for individual reflection and for discussion. The handbook explores each question, assisting the reader to reflect on him or herself, family, spouse, or child. Question, discussion, and inquiry all have priority over answer or advice.
In speaking with Sullivan I learned that, upon completion of some workshops, participants have received a copy of the handbook along with a certificate, that feedback has been favorable regarding the usefulness of the handbook. One omission of the book is an index, which could ease referencing certain examples or subjects [Note: the third edition has an index as this reviewer suggests].
The last chapters of the handbook return to organization of Parents Forum and workshops, rationale behind format of the workshops, and guidance in organizing a Parents Forum workshop. Resources listed at the back of the book serve as a “work in progress,” with acknowledgement of Internet availability of numerous other resources.
Since its inception Parents Forum has gone beyond parent workshops to reach out to parents and families in a number of ways. Parents often rally more easily around a crisis than around the goal of meeting day-to-day needs in a more satisfying way. I hope awareness of this handbook, of the important work it describes, and of the practical and thoughtful guidelines it provides, will help to support and promote the good work of Parents Forum.
Where the Heart Listens is part history, part description and manual, part reference. Sullivan illuminates esteemed social work values of reaching within one’s self while also connecting with community. She writes with respect, honesty, and care and draws the reader in to learn more. Take a look, and see if you agree. Better yet, see how this thoughtful book might be a resource for a client or colleague.
About the reviewer:
Christie Carlson, LICSW, M.S.Ed., is a social worker in private practice in Arlington. She also works with families of children in the Deafblind Program at Perkins School for the Blind in Watertown.
Reprinted with permission of the reviewer and the editor of FOCUS (circulation 9,000). Posted on this site with a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License, with the request that Parents Forum be notified by email (info@parentsforum.org) if this review is shared, distributed or reproduced.